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I was reading recently in one of the weekly magazines about orgasms and how many women faked it. Now before you start to wonder what this article is about, bear with me. Well, the write-up included surveys of women, and the  different ways and reasons why they felt that they had to ‘fake it’. Most of the time, it was so as not to hurt the man, his ego, emotions, and what not. One would feel that perhaps this could be a matter of the duration of the  relationship. Yet, even when these copulatory partners were temporary, they still felt compelled to fake it. Even in permanent relationships, they still faked it. And it got me thinking, if relationships are our most intimate social interactions with others – some sexual, emotional, psychological, etc – what then does this mean if people fake it, even married couples?

Now this is the point of the  article!Why is it that people do not feel comfortable enough to be themselves in relationships? To bare it all? You know. Reveal themselves for who they are, because if a person can’t accept you, then why would you want to be with them? Well, that is my point of view. Whatever happened to communication, honesty, etc. Time and time again, a new expert comes up with the secret to relationships and marriages. I am no relationship expert per se, but I tell you this – communication, is the single most important factor in the quality of a relationship. We humans are social creatures and therefore need to communicate – although I must say, some need to talk more regularly/often than others (including yours truly) But What does this mean for our relationships if we are faking it, in other non-sexual ways, not baring our all – for fear of not hurting the other.

In many cases, the other party would want to know how you felt, what made you tick,  what makes you unhappy and even, yes even if a particular habit that they have annoys you – if you don’t let them know how can they stop? If you don’t show it, how will they know?  Interestingly, the article didn’t talk about men faking it. Does this mean that men are more open/honest in relationships or even scarier – that men are non-communicative that they can’t speak about it at all, even annonymously to a newspaper magazine?

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Adun Okupe
Adun's interests are wide and vaired but suffice to say she enjoys reading, cooking, hosting friends, organising events and exercising. Yes, fitness. She will be writing on our fitness column on the road to fitness. Fitness is a journey and not a crash course, more like a marathon as opposed to a 100m race. When she's not trying out taebo, jogging, tennis, swimming, cycling, riding, yoga or pilates, she's reading or writing her PhD thesis in Intelligent Leadership at the University of Surrey.

2 thoughts on “FAKING IT

  1. Pingback: Anonymous
  2. Constant whining and complaining isn’t healthy for ANY relationship. You are merging two people with different personalities, and maybe different backgrounds. You will never be one hundred percent pleased with everything your partner does, and vice versa, and it is very unhealthy to constantly point out your differences. My point is, You have to learn to pick your battles. The issue isn’t lack of communication; it’s just a choice to withhold information so the other person does not feel picked on or get hurt. Imagine this, you tell your partner, hey babe you need to close the window before you leave for work so it doesn’t get cold when we get back home; and your partner replies, sorry honey I forgot. And the same thing repeats itself everyday and you constantly correct him/her. Another day when something more important takes place, like you read the weather forecast and you know it’s going to rain the next day and you tell your partner the same thing you’ve been saying for the past one week, even stating it’s going to rain. Your partner may think you’re just bickering as usual and won’t take the warning seriously and you end up with a wet moldy house because S/he didn’t close the windows. Okay maybe that’s not a very good example, but I’m sure you get my point. A relationship only works if you compromise. No matter how much love and mutual understanding you have for your partner, you still have to leave some slack.

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